Most parents never have to worry about being attacked by a violent child, but if it happens, they face a dilemma. They can’t just walk out – and they may fear that seeking help will have repercussions for their child. Research suggests the problem is often hidden, and far more common than we imagine.
Last summer, 10-year-old Aidan decided he was going to kill the family dog. He lured her behind the sofa with a sausage before putting his hands over her muzzle and around her neck.
“The crazy thing is that he actually loves the dog and me the most out of anyone,” says Aidan’s mother, Hazel. “But we are the two that he will target and sometimes he will hurt her to get a reaction out of me.”
Aidan kicks and hits, and he used to bite. He tells Hazel that he hates her and wants her to die, that he’s going to get a gun and shoot her. He’s tried to push her down the stairs, and now that he’s worked out where her blind spots are – she has a visual impairment – he throws things at her that she can’t see coming. Recently it was a kettle, which fortunately hadn’t just been boiled – but Aidan didn’t know it was cold when he picked it up and launched it.
“It looks like abusive, bullying behaviour,” Hazel says. “I feel like I’m in a domestic violence relationship. You say the first time your husband hits you you’ll walk out the door, but you’re not going to do that with your child are you? Because you’re the child’s protector, as well as his victim.”
All of the knives in the house have been locked out of reach since Aidan armed himself from the cutlery drawer and went for another member of the family. But he’ll use anything sharp – scissors, even nail clippers.
“Everything leads to violence,” Hazel says. “He is drawn to violence and will see the violence in any situation. We can’t even watch simple children’s programmes because if there’s the slightest bit of violence he will re-enact it, re-enact it, re-enact it.”